Cold Pierrot
by xxNatsu-chanxx
Summary: "No matter what, we'll graduate being Cold Pierrots. Heal and change. We'll become more together. Become as warm as the fire we breathe." Everyone has a second mask and no one will know pain until we hear it with our own ears, feel it in our own hearts and cry from our own eyes. NaLu! And before it gets out of hand, I'm not a Lisanna hater, she's just in an antagonist role. Enjoy


**Cold Pierrot**

**Natsu-chan: So… I thought I'd kick it off with another Fairy Tail Fanfic~ On my obvious favourite pairing, NaLu~ Like come on! They're damn perfect together! Kiss and get together already! D: And before this happens, I just wanna say that I do love Lisanna. Not together with Natsu, but I don't really hate on her. BUT! She is a bit of an antagonist here…So sorry Lisanna fans! And another point is that Natsu is completely OOC! Jeez! So much difference… so much! Anyways~ Enjoy~**

_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN FAIRY TAIL AND ALL CREDITS TO HIRO MASHIMA AKA THAT TROLL'SHIMA! (If I had any control of what was going on, NaLu would be already in the midst! ;-;)**_

**Natsu's POV: **

Walking down towards the circus with some friends, I quickly dismissed to idea of ever meeting my potential soul mate. I mean, who in their right mind would think "Today is the day I meet my partner for life… at a CIRCUS!" It's ridiculous…

But boy, was I in for it. I mean, me? Natsu Dragneel? In love?

It leaves a bitter taste in the mouth.

Not after Lisanna.

It's been a long seven years since the whole incident, yet it remains frozen in my mind… How I walked into school; cracking wise jokes as normal; then for it to all fall flat when I saw them kiss. My girlfriend of ten years…TEN FREAKING YEARS! Kissing Laxus right in front of me…

They broke apart, and she rambled useless excuses. I knew that it had felt cold. I knew it had felt wrong… She had grown distant during the last few years. I felt it deep down, yet continues to put on my second mask to cover anything I had felt. Everything went crashing the moment I saw them behind the locked classroom doors. I suspected it time and time again, but she had always reassured me that it was me. Just me.

_What a joke. A lame joke._

I can only blame myself for being so gullible. This was my fault.

After all, who would want to date a joker?

I was the class clown. Hell, my hair screamed out that I was a fool. I mean, it's natural… but Pink? Come on dad! You have red hair! Why am I stuck with PINK?

Making stupid jokes, making people crack up… making people laugh despite the fact that I was crying inside. I was cracking up from how pitiable I've become after all the heartbreak. Who wouldn't be after ten years of thinking that you've found the one you wanted to spend life with?

I'm twenty-six now.

Old enough to even consider marriage. But who needs that? I surely don't. I don't need anyone anymore.

_I've become cold. A cold Pierrot. _

But my friends thought differently. I don't even know how I managed to keep them all! I mean, it was disastrous. I was disastrous!

After the whole ordeal, I locked myself in my man cave of solitude. Not bothering to associate with anyone or anything for the fact. Even Igneel; my dragonish dad who wasn't scared of anything; was too scared to talk to me…

_Because it's easy to break through ice. It's easy to break me._

But somehow, Gray Fullbuster; my long-time rival and frienemy managed to knock some sense into me. And I mean it literally. He got a couple of good shots to the head. Yelling at me to man the fuck up and come outside.

Face the light.

After all, I'm not alone.

That fucking ice-head. I could sue him from copy-righting my dialogue.

But never-the-less. It woke me up to reality.

She was living life happily. With Laxus now. I never bothered to attend the wedding. Even though I got countless phone calls and messages; telling me to forgive her for the past. Like that would ever happen…

I didn't have the heart to do it anymore. To forgive, or to forget.

_You froze it. It's ice now. _

But the others didn't do anything but try to support me. I owed them this much to deal with my pathetic ass during the last year.

I didn't go out. Didn't laugh; let alone smile. Didn't hang and rarely even talked to them. Yet they continued to come back and try to make me feel better.

At times it worked. I mean; beating the shit out of Stripper and Metal-head was fun; but not as fun as it used to be.

However, when they decided to bring the group together and go to a circus that just came to town… I basically had no choice.

Either I went along with their plans and just live with the fact that she's coming with her HUSBAND, and well; about to flaunt it in my face that she's happy…or face Erza's wrath.

Sadly, I wasn't prepared to die today, so why not suffer right?

I looked over at them, just walking had-in-hand while avoiding my eyes. I mean, it's not like they did anything wrong, right?

Who am I kidding… they should feel bad. That's what I kept telling myself, but I could feel it tugging at me that maybe some of what she said was true…

Flashback: Start

"_Natsu… I'm sorry! I- I just didn't know how to tell you! I mean, we dated for ten years… but I lost the feeling after a few. I didn't know what to do about it and I didn't want to break you with this… I'm sorry. I know you're hurt… I know what I did was wrong. But please forgive me… Please…"_

"…_No."_

"_Get out of my life."_

"_Leave me alone."_

_Alone... sounds like a safe haven compared to what's left here. _

Flashback: End

Walking in with my gang, we quickly looked around for something to do. After all; the circus tent was situated in an amusement park.

And when I say "we", I mean them. I just kind of shuffled my feet and looked from one to another. Gray and Juvia, Jellal and Erza, Gajeel and Levy, Freed and Mira, Laxus and Lisanna…

Fuck. This seemed like a couple's thing… Why did they bring me along?

Did they intend to leave me here? Because I'm the _Cold Pierrot_?

Looking from one to another, Gray fist-pumped before yelling; "GO NUTS!"

Is he stupid?

Grabbing the attention of a few bystanders; he sheepishly grinned before apologizing while Juvia swooned beside him at how coolly he played it off.

He turned to me before patting me on the back; "What are you spacing out for Fire-breath? Let's go around!"

I sighed before just following them from one attraction to another, losing interest fast.

Rollercoasters, cotton candy, drop-zones, water-rides. None of this seemed to be fun to me anymore… I used to love it all.

I dreamt that one day I'd be one of those fire-breathers that would wow the audience with their awesomeness… but even watching them now. I felt no "awesome" in the act anymore. Was I really this broken?

Looking over at Lisanna and Laxus, I saw exactly why I felt this way. Recalling every moment I had with her was what I did best; whether I was in company or not. But this was a different level of anxiety and frustration.

Watching her be happy while I was miserable like this… It hurts.

_It hurts._

I was so immersed in my own thoughts and pain, I didn't notice Erza come up behind me.

"Natsu." I froze when I heard her and turned to her slowly.

"…Yeah?"

She followed my gaze to them and turned back to me while sighing. "I should've realized that it would be a bad idea. I guess I didn't think it through. But we're so tired of seeing you like this Natsu… you were so full of life back then. I thought you would've regained at least a little by now and be able to face this. But you're not ready yet… I'm sorry Natsu."

"Don't apologize Erza." I muttered. "You guys are just trying to look out for me."

She smiled at me before turning to Gray who just looked at me and sighed.

"If you want to leave Natsu, you're more than welcome to. We understand." He said slowly while trying not to look too disappointed.

I sighed before rubbing the back of my head. "There is really only the circus left that we get to go watch, right?" After receiving nods from my friends, I just looked down and mumbled an "okay then" before walking in the direction of the circus tent.

Hearing some cheering behind me, I saw them follow and sit on either side of me, making sure to push Lisanna and Laxus to the farther ends of the row. As soon as the rest of the crowd got settled in, the show began to start with firey explosions on the left and right.

The Master of Ceremonies revealed himself with a "bang" of dramatic entry before introducing the first act. The acrobats.

On as the show went, I felt myself being healed a little by the flips and stunts that went on. Whether it was the teetering of the balance act or the danger of the daredevil, I felt a little better coming here. Maybe because I knew that "that" specific part stayed the same.

I still love the circus.

The Firebreathing act was next, and soon a small smile appeared on my face, remembering how I loved it. How I wanted to become one of them. It was as awesome as it was before… I know that. But I still liked it none-the-less.

Feeling eyes on me, I turned to see Lisanna staring at me.

Knowing she saw my smile, I turned away abruptly before focusing on anything but her. She won't ruin me again… not again.

_Not again. I don't think my heart can take it again._

That's when I first saw her.

The yellow clown.

Now normally, my stereotypical mind decided that males were the clowns. I mean, when do you see a female clown?

Yet, there she was making people laugh with her stand-up comedy. The trips and falls, the intentional accidents to make people laugh at the cheesiness of it all. Didn't work for me the first time around.

What amazed me though, was the look in her eyes when she blew out fire. She caught my eye in the midst of the act and smiled at me.

I didn't give her any sort of reaction; but it stunned me. Maybe it was just my imagination? But I couldn't shake off the feeling of the intensity in her chocolate brown eyes.

"WE HOPE YOU HAD A GREAT TIME! GOODNIGHT AND COME AGAIN!"

The show ended with a big bang once again after about an hour of exciting acts. I only saw her briefly a couple of times during other people's acts and during the grand finale with her blowing out fire again with the fire-breathers.

Exiting the circus tent with my friends, they talked about their favourite parts of the act; when one part caught my attention.

"The clown did really well, didn't she?" Levy said to Gajeel.

"She was pretty good. She even breathed fire!" Gray said looking at me. "Sounds a lot like _someone_ here, don't you think?"

I stayed quiet, looking at my feet. Although, I silently agreed with my frienemy.

"I didn't really like her that much…" I heard it, although it was quieter than the other voices, and turned to see Lisanna.

I would see why. You didn't like me either. In my mind, I was saying that she had no taste for people.

Saying goodnight, I heard my name being called from far away. But the voice made me cold and my eyes try to force away tears.

"What." I bit back, looking into Lisanna's blue eyes.

"Look Natsu…I know you're _still_ mad at me… but I want to be your friend. I know what I did was wrong, but please. Give me a little break here… You ignored me the whole day, didn't say a word to me and just stared at me with hatred…I understand if you're jea— "

She stopped mid-sentence when she looked up to face me. I must've scared her to make her stop her trap…

"Go away." I gritted out before turning around and walking. I didn't turn back when I heard her crying.

That was only a percent of what I felt Lisanna.

Not noticing where I was heading off to, I felt myself bump into someone and land back with a thud.

"Ow!"

Looking down, I saw a blonde woman fall back on her butt; eyes closed and rubbing her behind.

"I'm sorry…" I muttered before looking down at her and giving her a hand.

She looked up, and I immediately recognized the intense chocolate brown eyes. It was the yellow clown.

She took the hand and looked at me before a slow smile stretched on her face. "It's okay~" she grinned before looking at me again. "Although, you're quite the sour one, aren't you?"

I grunted before trying to shove past her, when she blocked me from moving.

"Excuse me…" I muttered.

"You're excused."

"Ha ha, very funny. Seriously, move! I need to go…"

"Where exactly?" she asked me. I raised an eyebrow at her before she smiled at me. "Hey, I'm just curious."

"You sure you ain't trying to stalk me or something…?

"You're funny." She laughed. "What's your name bucko?"

I looked at her trying to figure her out. What did she want with me? I mean, she was sure putting herself out there.

"And why would I tell you that?"

"Because I asked." She retorted sarcastically, still retaining a radiant smile. "If I guess, will you tell me if I'm right?

I was watching her again, pouting and begging me with those eyes that seemed just as intense as they were before. She wasn't going to give in until I said yes.

"Fine. Give it your best shot." I sighed.

"Is it Pinky?"

"That's not funny."

"Alright, how about Mr. Sourpuss?"

"You're not a very funny clown."

"How about Natsu?"

My eyes snapped up to her and she was grinning a piano. I think shock was clearly evident on my face.

"Close your jaw Natsu~" She laughed. "I heard your white-haired friend calling for you before."

"She's not my friend…" I muttered. "And why would you ask me if you knew my name already?"

"Because it would be weird if I just told you that I knew your name, wouldn't it Natsu?" she said while sheepishly grinning at me.

"You're weird already." I groaned before face-palming. What is with my situation today?

"Well, I'm Lucy. It's nice to meet you Natsu." She said while sticking out her hand for me to shake.

Staring down at the hand, and back to her a couple of times seemed to irritate her a little.

"It's called a handshake Natsu, ever heard of it before?" she teased.

"No Luigi, I don't." I said before shaking her hand and loofking up at her. Her eyes flashed menacingly, and I suddenly felt like an Erza –two was on its way.

"It's Lucy."

"—R-right…" I trailed off, fearing my life a little before she started giggling.

"Your face Natsu!" Lucy laughed. "You should've seen it!"

"Ha ha ha. Very funny. I gotta go anyways." I muttered before once again, trying to shove past her. This time however, she allowed it.

"Have a good night Natsu~ I hope to see you again!"

I didn't want to turn back, but eventually I turned around to meet her eyes, shining mischievously in the moonlight as a smile lit up her face.

Abruptly turning away, I raised my hand in the air as my goodbye and headed home, going straight to bed.

The next morning was the usual. School. Boring. Teaching. Boring. Lunch break. Boring. Classes again. Boring. Teaching again… the list just repeated for days on. Nothing really seemed to have changed around here.

However, that changed when a lot of screaming was heard from out in the front yard. Looking to the entrance of the school, I saw a familiar van pull up and many faces I recognized stepped out of the car.

It was the Circus group.

Scanning through the crowd, I could see Lucy standing with the acrobats chatting happily. She seemed chipper as usual… As usual… Look at me. I met her once, and it seems like I know her inside out. I guess she's just one of those people that gives that sort of impression. She seems like she's always been that way.

Catching my eye, she smiled at me wolfishly.

How exactly does she keep finding me? What is this?

Principal Markov stepped up to the podium to say a few words to introduce the circus to us. Seems as though they were doing a school performance to promote themselves seeing as they were relatively new.

Looking at them, I remembered last night and how regardless of whether Lisanna was there or not, I had enjoyed this somewhat. Wondering if the act was going to change up or not, I continued to gaze intensely at all the antics, comedy and vivid performance; some staying the same and the other's varying.

Lucy's act was different. A different type of stand-up comedy that still had the same impact of cheesiness and laughter. Well, asides from me that is. At least, until the part that did repeat itself.

Where she breathed out fire.

Still hooked on, still amazed… I brought my hands together slowly. Clapping together with the audience.

_Something is wrong with me… What is she doing?_

Shaking my head, I stopped myself shortly; but caught her look at me. She must've saw, because she grinned widely and smiled with her eyes.

Feeling eyes on me, I turned to see Lisanna staring intently at me and back to Lucy… What of it? Why is she looking like that?

Feeling more eyes, I saw the knowing smiles on my friend's faces. They were catching on. With that, I became cold again.

Until the show was over anyways. Until she came down to greet me.

"Mr. Dragneel, huh?" she said lightly. "I didn't know you were a teacher Natsu~" The others just continues to look between us and shared secret smiles.

"You two know each other?" Erza asked.

"I just met her yesterday after the performance." I explained. Gray raised an eyebrow at me while Gajeel grinned widely.

"After huh? You sly dog, Firefreak!" they boom loudly, causing people to stare once again at us amusedly.

"It's not what you think…" I groaned. Lucy giggled before putting a finger to her mouth. "Or is it?" she said while winking.

They went white before she cracked up. "I'm just joking! I'm a clown for a reason~" she laughed.

"Not exactly a good one…" we all turned to look at Lisanna clenching her fists. "I don't like your act, _Lucy_._"_

Lucy turned to her before grinning at her. "That's okay. I'm open to criticism. It's all part o' the job~!" she exclaimed. "And my act is not for all."

I felt myself tense up. Lisanna seemed…

"Jealous?"

I spoke without even thinking. A few gasps were heard as I saw all eyes on me. Even Lucy's intense gaze was on me.

"Are you jealous of her, Lisanna?" I asked.

Lisanna stared at me open-mouthed, trying to comprehend before pulling herself together.

"Of her?! You gotta be kidding me! She's a freaking clown!" she exclaimed. But her face gave her away. The tears she tried to push away told the truth.

Sighing, I dropped the subject. I refuse to be part of another high-school drama. I'm past it.

_I'm supposed to be stone cold, but here I am protecting her. What's wrong with me? I need to back up. You're getting too close Natsu. _

Looking at Lucy slowly, she smiled at me softly before patting me on the shoulder.

"Thank you." She said softly so it was only the two of us that could hear. I just grunted, trying to shake away the uneasy feeling in my gut. But soon, that feeling spread over my body when she dragged me to a secluded corner of the school.

School was dismissed, so the kids were all occupied talking to the other members of the circus crew. As for my friends, all giving me those smiles of "go for it", they seemed to just talk amongst themselves while attempting to get the other students to go home.

Turning to look at Lucy, I realized it was really just the two of us. My face became warm at the thought of it.

"Nervous Natsu?" she whispered before leaning in slowly. I froze and stiffened so fast, it shocked me that she didn't turn to stone herself from astonishment. Instead, she laughed.

To be honest… I felt kinda pissed. I mean, who does that?

"It's not funny!" I yelled before watching her eyes widen and her mouth close. "You're not funny! Quit your job already! You suck at it! Lisanna is right! I hate your act! What the fuck is wrong with you anyways? Are you trying to piss me off? Just leave me the fuck alone already!"

Stomping away, I didn't get the chance to get a glimpse of her face. Maybe it was because I was angry. Maybe because I felt some regret for bursting… or maybe it was because I was disappointed. It could be all three. And fear. Most definitely fear. Of falling too deep…of my emotions resurfacing. She brings them out of me and it scared me more than anything.

But nothing hurts me more than remembering what happened after…

Hearing the ordeal that happened, the crew of the circus acted up.

Slowly I became more haunted by it. They followed me around, telling me to take back what I said about her.

Me being the stubborn ass I was… I refused. It stayed that way for six months… I couldn't bring myself to find what I did wrong.

She pushed the wrong buttons by pretending to kiss me.

But then I saw the article in the newspaper. That sad article of a girl with blonde hair that had gone missing. A girl with chocolate brown eyes and was a clown for a living.

Every day was torture.

Hearing whispers of how pathetic she was. How pitiable she was… how everything she was. I knew that she didn't deserve any of this… I knew I hurt her.

But I never thought she'd lose it all because of the words I said. And that itself; brought down the walls I built up high.

I started searching anywhere and everywhere for her. To make sure she was safe.

One month…

Two months…

Three months...

Four months…

It had been five months before I saw the next news article… and damn, I wish I would've been more honest with how I felt back then than to have just taken all my frustration and pent up feelings on her.

There; in the headlines… "Unknown female body found in the lake. Suicide attempt." The description had some attributes that had matched Lucy's appearance…

_She's dead. It's all your fault._

I slumped to the floor with the newspaper shaking in my hands…

I killed someone.

I killed her. The one person who brought something out of me.

Letting out a cry, my fists came down on the ground until they started bleeding from all the impact. Damn it. Damn it all!

A few people came over to attempt and console me, but nothing would reach me now. I became stone cold again. And I knew, that only she. Only she; could turn that switch off.

A month later, I found myself back in the exact same position I was in a year prior. Where I needed no one and everyone was scared to break me. I quit my job, quit friends. Quit life itself. Hid myself away where I couldn't hurt anyone and no one could hurt me.

I only would wander when it was night and no one was out there.

Mostly to the spot where we had first bumped into each other… I needed to remember her. I needed to keep her alive at least in my memories.

I found myself walking along to my usual spot. Today was the anniversary of when I met her. I remembered clearly, after all. It happened the exact same way.

A ghostly figure stood in the place where I met her. Maybe it was her spirit here to haunt me on this day. Tell me it was all my fault. Tell me that she hated me for ruining her life.

But this Lucy did the same that she did every time she saw me. She would smile and connect her chocolate brown eyes with me.

"How are you…Natsu?" she asked me airily.

"You're dead. How do you expect me to feel?"

"Do I look dead to you Natsu?" she motioned to herself and looking at her, she sure didn't look dead. Reaching out a hand to confirm it, it collided with flesh. And in the moment, I wrapped my arms around her crying.

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry Lucy! Please forgive me! Don't leave… Don't go!"

I was a blubbering mess by the time she pulled away. She was crying with me. Tears that we both held onto for so long.

Before we realized it, we were kissing and holding on desperately for life. For love. For comfort. For each other and for ourselves.

I wanted this moment the moment I laid eyes on the fire-breather. On the clown that mirrored my own self.

We talked. She explained where she had run off to. What she had to deal with alone… No one knows anyone's pain until we hear it through our own ears. Feel it through our hearts. And cry with our own eyes.

Her father had threatened everyone here unless she came back to marry someone else and quit her "ridiculous" life. It had been years of endless torment for her and had taken a toll on her performance. And my words… they were the trigger to the gun on her happiness.

She quit and left; wondering if maybe she was wrong about life. About the choices she's made til now. She'd married and hated the lifestyle, wanting to be with who she loved… with the asshole she loved as she phrased it. Divorcing and leaving her name behind, she came back to see if I remembered us.

If I remembered her name and who she was.

Remembered the pain of before and the joy of now…

That's when I knew I couldn't live without her anymore. We were one in the same. Hiding behind our second mask to cover the pain we've become accustomed to. Those smiles, my stone face… they're the same.

"I promise Lucy. No matter what, we'll graduate being Cold Pierrots. Heal and change. We'll become more together. Become as warm as the fire we breathe.

_Become as warm as the fire we breathe. _

_Together. _


End file.
